I went to Chicago with all due intentions of making my feelings known to Rachel. I hope for the best, for something, at least. I got there, and though we had a great time together, not only did the situation not present itself, but the "spark" that seemed to be there before was gone, and she seems to have completely rejected the notion of relationships in general, or at least as they apply to her.
Needless to say, I never said anything. I never intend to. I think I've determined that a relationship would never work, because of her feelings, and because of the fact that we're not likely to ever live near each other, for the rest of our lives, unless one of us (read: me) makes some major changes in life plans. That being said, I love her dearly and I want to see her happy, and I don't think knowing about the way I feel is the best way to keep her happy.
So the question is, where do I go from here? I'm not even sure anymore what I want out of a relationship, I'm not sure I have the confidence to actively seek anything out. Solution, I think: Time to just live life, not think about it, and let stuff happen. Just like always.